Who do you need in your TRIBE

I love watching Survivor.  From the comfort of my couch, I believe that I will do quite well in this reality show. The one thing that always brings me to my senses very quickly, is the idea that you have to stab the other players or “tribe members” in the back to finally win.  I completely understand that it is a game and therefore I don’t necessarily have a problem that the contestants do what needs to be done. But, the only thing I can’t wrap my head around is the fact that in Survivor they use the term TRIBE to describe the group of people you are playing the game with.

When I think of the word tribe, qualities such as loyalty, honesty, camaraderie and a type of connection comes to mind.  Here you have to stab your proverbial “inner circle” in the back for your own gain – it’s a concept that I don’t grasp at all. 

I want to shift the focus a bit, from what see on this reality series, to what a tribe should look like in real life and why I believe we as Working Wonder Women, need a loyal TRIBE, to realize our full potential and achieve greatness.

We do not have an awful lot of extra time at our disposal, and therefore it is very important to be INTENTIONAL about how we spent our time and who and what we surround ourselves with.  With a full schedule, we know that a YES for one thing means a NO for something else.

They say that you become like the 5 people with whom you spend the most time. But, if you think about this, there are more than just 5 people that have an influence on you.  What you read, listen to, how you talk to yourself and think about yourself, and also who you surround yourself with will play an enormously role in the person that you are.

Every working woman needs an unwavering inner circle.  Whether we want to admit it or not, we can’t do everything on our own.

You and I are not created to be an island.  In order to take your potential to the next level and do your job effectively, you need a TRIBE.  People that will support, encourage and help you.

Different phases of life will dictate how much you will rely on your TRIBE. But if I’ve learnt anything it is that if you are a Mom and a working Mom on top of that, it is almost impossible to tackle life’s challenges on your own.

For a long time in I was convinced that my tribe should solely consist of the people that are closest to me.  Although in some cases this is indeed the truth, it is not always the case and therefore it is very possible, and actually quite normal, that the “members” of your “tribe” will also change as the years go by.

One thing that will remain constant throughout is the 6 different personalities that you will always need in your TRIBE. These 6 personalities will ensure a strong and unwavering support system throughout the different stages of life.

THE DOER

She’s the one who lives up to her word. When she says she’ll help you it’s not only lip service, but she puts actions to her words.  She is the one you can phone to pick up your child from school when your meeting runs longer than it should.

You know you can always rely on her to help you when there’s a crisis, and she does it without expecting anything in return or making you feel like a bad Mom.  She is a stalwart and her role in your life, especially while you still have children at school, is invaluable.

THE CHEERLEADER

You can’t miss her.  This is the friend that supports, motivates and encourages you to go for gold, no matter if your idea is a good one or a bad one.  She sees your potential and celebrates your successes with you but more than that – she celebrates YOU.

She is the friend that gets just as excited about the promotion you got at work, as the fact that you went to the gym for the first time in a year.  She believes that you can achieve anything and everything. She’s the one you need around when you are doubting yourself. 

She knows all your positive qualities and reminds you what it is regularly. Life is a breeze with her by your side. When you spend time with her you also start believing that you can move mountains.  When you need perspective she’s not necessarily the one you’re going to get it from.  Not because she doesn’t want to give it to you, but in her eyes you are the smartest, the best and the most talented person alive.

THE CONFIDANT

She is the one to whom you can pour your heart out to.  She is your sounding board.  You can talk to her about your successes, personal development, your challenges and your search for authenticity.  She will celebrate your highs with you, but will also support you through difficult times.  She is your “voice of reason” – the one that will listen to all your ideas (good and bad) and give you honest feedback.

You can trust her with your heart’s desires, biggest dreams, deepest secrets and your greatest shortcomings. Your heart is safe with her.  She will give you perspective, remind you of your dreams and encourage you to pursue them.  She will celebrate with you when you win and dry your tears and come up with new plans when you lose.

THE LINK

This is the person that’s always willing to help.  When she cannot help you herself, she is happy to refer you to someone reliable that will be able to help you.  She has a large network of people and she loves it to connect people she believes in and whom she trusts.  If you don’t know who to contact or where to start looking for well, almost anything- she is the person you will call first.

If you’re struggling with research for a new project, she will immediately have a few names and numbers at hand that might be able to help.  She loves connecting people with each other.

THE PRAYER WARRIOR

She is the one that will keep your whole being (body, soul and spirit) strong by praying for you.  No matter if you are going through good, bad, difficult or joyful times – of one thing you can be certain, she’s got your back in prayer… all the way.

When you have to make a decision and don’t know which way to go, she is not necessarily the one that will come to you with a list of pros and cons, but rest assured – she will pray that the Holy Spirit will guide you to make the right decision.  Prayer warriors are incredibly important and a very special group of people.

No one can do without prayer warriors in their lives.  These are the people that believe in, and stand on the power of prayer, regardless of where you find yourself in your journey.

THE PACEMAKER

She is a role model in your life.  You admire her for specific reasons.  She is the one that makes you believe that if she can do it, you can do it too AND she will even SHOW you how.  She is a teacher and an innovator, a motivator and encourager.  Her life attests of the things you admire her for and she “lives” these values and principals out practically.

A pacemaker loves sharing her knowledge. 

It is possible and highly probable that an individual can fall into more than one of these categories, and can play a variety of roles in your life.  In the same way, there will definitely be people that you don’t necessarily see as part of your inner circle or tribe; that can fulfil some of these needs in a meaningful way – and that is also good.  Most important is that all your needs must be fulfilled in every facet and every stage of your life!

Finally, there is another category – this grouping is not supposed to form part of your inner circle, yet most of us allow these people close to us for a variety of reasons.

THE PESSIMISTS

You can see them from a mile away and you can cut the atmosphere that surrounds them with a knife. These are the people that constantly question you.  They have a problem for every solution and are not afraid to talk about you, your ambition, your work or how you raise your children in front of, and mostly – behind your back.

They have an opinion on everything, which in itself is not a bad thing, but if you don’t agree with them, you’re in trouble.  The reason that many of us allow these types of people far too close to our inner circle is because there are usually linked to us through family ties or there’s a history that connects you to them.

Sometimes it’s just not possible to shut them out or alienate yourself from them completely, especially when you’re connected by blood. What we should remember however is that although we won’t always be able to drown out their “noise” the choice to allow these people to invade our emotions, mindsets and belief in ourselves, is completely ours.

No one needs negativity in their lives, and each of us deserves an inner circle we can count on. So if you have people like this in your life – make very sure that they are not part of you tribe!

I read a quote the other day that said:  “Your circle should want to see you win.  Your circle should clap loudly when you have good news.  If not – find a new circle.”  I would like to adjust this a bit by saying that when there is someone in your inner circle that does not want to see you win, that does not clap loudly when you have good news and that is silent through your struggles- they are surely not worthy of being part of your tribe.  Blow out that person’s proverbial flame today, because “the tribe has spoken”.

You, dear Wonder Woman, are worthy of having a tribe that makes a fuss about you and your victories, celebrates your good news with you, prays for you, motivates and inspires you.  Assists you with word and deed and protect you.  If your current circle doesn’t do it – get a new circle!           

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